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Feb 21, 2020

Long-Distance Caregiving:
8 Tips for When a Loved One Is in Assisted Living

“My 83-year-old dad lives alone in an assisted living apartment at a senior living community that’s a three-hour flight from where I live. I know he’s well cared for and all his health needs are taken care of, but I still struggle with not being his primary caregiver. What can I do to help him from afar?”

While caring for elderly parents in a different state is challenging, know you’re not alone in your caregiving journey. Many baby boomers and other adult children find themselves in a long-distance caregiving role and wonder how to care for aging parents. Fortunately, there are numerous resources to help you stay well informed and effective and keep you actively involved in their daily life.

Caregiving while a loved one is in assisted living can be a long-term commitment and takes many forms. But before we dive into long-distance caregiving tips, it’s important to first understand what care is provided in assisted living and how you can complement and enhance the care your loved one is already receiving.

A health care professional sits on a couch with an elderly woman

What is assisted living?

Assisted living is a great option for older adults who are independent but still require some assistance with activities of daily living, such as getting out of bed in the morning, daily hygiene routines or meal preparation.

It provides residents with an active, thriving lifestyle and the support of compassionate professionals who provide help when they want and need it — from personal assistance to housekeeping. Assisted living residents also take part in socialization and activities to keep their minds engaged.

What does assisted living provide?

Assisted living facilities are designed to offer a homelike setting that promotes independence, in addition to varying levels of health and personal care. Although they can differ in the type of housing accommodations they offer — ranging from private rooms and apartments to shared residences — many senior assisted living facilities feature:

  •       Gathering places for recreational activities and shared interactions
  •       24/7 health care monitoring
  •       Lifestyle directors
  •       Flexible dining options
  •       Assistance with activities of daily living, such as dressing, bathing and eating
  •       Medication management and reminders
  •       Local transportation
  •       Security
  •       Housekeeping and laundry

8 long-distance caregiving tips

1. Focus on fun.

When you live far away from your loved one, it’s important to make the most of each visit by spending time on non-caregiving activities and having fun together. Sure, you’ll have a list of practical things you’ll need to accomplish, but spending quality time and building memories with your loved one should be at the very top.

A grandmother plays a card game with her grandson

Mom or Dad may enjoy simple activities such as playing cards or a board game, watching a movie, going out for a meal, attending a worship service, taking a drive, walking in a park or garden, or visiting a library or museum. Perhaps your loved one just wants emotional support — someone to listen to their stories about their past, or even concerns, fears or frustrations. Whatever activity you decide, be present and supportive and try to keep any outside distractions to a minimum.

2. Plan and prioritize.

While visiting your loved one, it may feel overwhelming if there’s a lot to accomplish in little time. One way you can provide effective long-distance caregiving is by carefully planning your visit and making a to-do list ahead of time. This will allow you to prioritize, make the most of your limited time with Mom or Dad, and feel less stressed.

Plans might include shopping for new clothes or other necessities, attending medical appointments, meeting with doctors to learn more about your loved one’s health and treatment plans, meeting with lawyers or financial advisers, or reviewing bills and insurance policies.  

A middle aged couple sit on a couch together and look at a phone

3. Stay in touch … often.

The old saying “just a phone call away” still holds true, but there are many other ways to stay in touch with a loved one in assisted living. Technology makes it easier than ever for long-distance families to stay connected and help combat isolation and loneliness.

The Sagely Family App and LifeLoop Family Portal help prioritize communication by allowing assisted living community team members to send important news and event information to residents’ families. The apps also provide real-time updates and photos to keep loved ones engaged from afar. 

With other handy communication tools like FaceTime and Skype, you can set up virtual video visits with your loved ones. And, of course, there’s always pen and paper. Send a card to let them know you’re thinking of them, and ask the grandkids to draw a picture or write an old-fashioned letter.

4. Get a handle on financial affairs.

Even if you’re not the primary caregiver for your aging parent, you can still address legal issues and ensure all financial matters and insurance policies are in order. Gather contact information for your loved one’s attorney, bank, doctors, insurance company, estate planning and investment firm — and make sure you can access those accounts.

Additional recommendations include: Make copies of Medicare or health insurance cards; have bills forwarded to you so you can manage them online; find out if your loved one has a will and durable power of attorney for health care and financial decisions; and manage any calls related to medical bills or insurance claims.

5. Stay organized.

It will help you and your loved one immensely if you can organize these important records and keep them up to date. While it may seem overwhelming to gather these materials, it will make other caregiving tasks much easier. Plus, once you have everything on hand, you’ll be able to act more quickly and efficiently during a time of need.

Be sure to copy all documents and store them in a safe deposit or fireproof box.

This includes all legal, financial, and insurance documents and records — Medicare, will, birth certificate, titles, social security card, power of attorney, bank statement, health insurance, credit card, marriage license or divorce decree, and income sources.

6. Share information with other loved ones.

Serving as the main point of contact for other family and friends is another valuable way to support your loved one from afar. To keep everyone in the loop, you can set up a group email or text chain; use social tools like FaceTime, Skype or Marco Polo; or organize family conference calls.

A senior woman sits at her kitchen counter top, taking notes with a pen and paper while looking at a laptop

7. Take notes.

Keeping a care notebook or online file to track the ins and outs of your loved one’s care is a benefit for you both. This will be a central place to keep pertinent information like prescriptions and other medications, health vitals, dietary restrictions, allergies, and any other updates related to Mom or Dad’s physical or mental well-being. Whether it’s a detailed spreadsheet on your computer or a three-ringed binder with loose leaf paper, keeping notes is a must for long-distance caregivers.

A photo of two pieces of silver hard cased luggage

8. Have an emergency travel plan.

What if a loved one has an accident or emergency, and you have to travel quickly with little or no notice? As an elderly caregiver, it’s critical to have an emergency plan so you can get to them on short notice. Research airlines and rental car companies for the best options, fares and last-minute availability, and pack a grab-and-go travel bag with essentials and toiletries. It’s also a good idea to make a list of local friends and family who can lend a hand while you’re gone — whether that’s helping with meals, picking up the kids up from school, walking the dog, watering your plants or collecting your mail.

Still need advice on caring for aging parents? This Handbook for Long-Distance Caregivers may be helpful.

At The Ridge Senior Living, our goal is to maximize independence and empower seniors who need assistance with activities of daily living. For more information about a location near your loved ones, check out our assisted living apartments in Denver; Salt Lake City; and Holladay, Utah.